The Blitz F'n News

We have Funny and Fake News. The stories are so dumb that they are not real. July 19th Edition

The stories that you are about to read are not real but funny as hell.

A Wisconsin dairy farer plans to destroy moon - A farmer believes that chain stores (across America) are buying cheese from Nasa because his sales are down and believes that they harvest cheese from the moon to control more of the cheese monopoly. Elon Must is getting into the cheese race due to the high demands of the product and wants his share of the very rare blue cheese.

A European man believes he has facts to prove that the T-Rex was made with shorter arms for a reason. -  A man says he has proven facts saying the T-Rex was given shorter arms to help them prevent  to masterbate. When asked where he got his information from he said the following.

Back of a tampon box

The FDA report finds food helps prevent 99% of hunger - A very scientific finding has found that when eating food when hungry\, 99% of the time\, the hungry feeling goes away.  In that same report\, they found that many times that the person was still hungry\, they would go back for seconds.

A woman dies hours after a third degree burn from water after finding perfect shower temperature. - A lady finally found the perfect shower temperature but as a result of a perfect show of an hour\, she passed away from third degree burns on 80% of her body.  The doctors said that there was no way that they could of saved her from the horrific burns and they were unsure what she was because of it.

Budget mom helps Canadian Military purchase cheaper No Name missiles - Learning about massive cuts to the Canadian Military\, the fear of Russia invading the country increased because of the lack of newer equipment.  As the Major was watching "Coupon Bitch"\, he knew that he had to hire her and help save money some how.  Calling her up and telling her situation\, she got on the internet and found 2 cheaper stores that could provide that whole country's military with brand new equipment as well as doubled the fleet. Non Name had a special black web site that had tons of cheaper gear for sale so she got the prices knocked down and saved millions in the end.

*all stories are fake and should not be taken seriously. its ment to be taken for fun.

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